Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
