So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
