I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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