Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize