dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
