Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
