I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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