I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
