Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
BRING THE BAGELS
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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