I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
