I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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