Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
