That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
