He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You just made me feel so damn special
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
