I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
