I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
