Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
