I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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