Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
