I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just blew my weed a kiss
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
