grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
