what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
