she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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