Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize