Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
