Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
