3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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