I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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