they need to just BURY HIM!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
