You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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