No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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