Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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