I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
