Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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