I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
