...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
