I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
