I can tuck mytits in my pants
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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