I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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