seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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