I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
