1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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