omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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