just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
pop tarts are not kleenex
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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