I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
