I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
