Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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