3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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