it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize