I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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