I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
