i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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