She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize