No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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