Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm too high and old for this...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize