I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
