i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
