I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
