I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
