Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
