I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
