If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
