so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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