you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
