Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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