Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
