member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
