Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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