Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
