do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
