VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
