Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
