take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
