I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
