He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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