She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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