I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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