Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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