Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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