A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
