Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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