So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
