I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i now understand why vodka
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
