I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
