he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
