Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
