Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
