if i can run in heels then i can drive
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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