I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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