You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
