i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
