doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
