Can Purell be used as lube?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
