I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
